| Today is the birthday of my baby sister, Lisa. Well, it would have been today, I should say. She went to be with the Lord in 2023 almost exactly 1 year ago. Yesterday was the anniversary of the birthday of my mom. It has been a tough week. Lisa was an April Fool child. My mom was a jokester and so, growing up we always had funny or silly April Fool’s jokes for Lisa. You know what I mean…iced Styrofoam “cake”, etc. Of course, the jokes faded as she got older, but I can’t help but think of that today. Lisa had a great, sort of crooked smile any time she was caught off-guard. I miss her. Live your life with no regrets. I know people say it all the time, but it is true so I will repeat it: You don’t know how long you have on this earth. Don’t wait to say “I love you’s” or bake some cookies or go out for a coffee or send a card (a card??) or text. You will wake up one day and wish you could do it one more time. Make sure that you take time to focus on the Lord. Share your faith. Invite your loved ones to church. Pray for them. I did all these things with Lisa and my mom and others, but I could have always done more. And so, I move forward, knowing that Lisa is healed from her physical limitations and is happy and making some new friends and visiting with some old friends on her birthday. Will we celebrate birthdays? I don’t know. But I hope if someone plays a trick on Lisa because it is April 1, I hope she gets a real cake with sprinkles too. As I move forward, I am more focused on my remaining family and friends. I want to be more intentional in showing my love. I want to save time in my schedule for God to guide me to the person I need to encourage or help in some way. My heart truly feels shattered when I think of those that I love so much who are far from God. I spoke to a lady at church yesterday about the same topic. She had invited her kids to church and hoped that since it was Easter that maybe they would come. But they didn’t. My job (and hers) is to fully trust that God is working, even when I don’t see much happening. In the meantime, I pray, I follow God’s guidance, and I love the best way I know how. I try to be a good example and witness in all that I do. Of course I cannot do that on my own, but only with the help of Jesus working through me. Lord, help me to remember the good times with Lisa, my mom, and my other family members. But help me to point the still living people in my life towards you. Prompt me to pray for them and with them. Guide me. Show me when I should challenge them and when I should leave it to you. I want to work with you, Lord, not against you. Prompt me with questions like: Do you forgo praying at meals when you are with non-believers? Do your friends and family see your priorities or do you “hide them under a bush?” Do the people in your circle see you read your Bible? Do you tell them about God-moments? Challenge me as well as them. Lord, I love you. Make me more like you. |
Category: Grief
The End of 2023
Here we are on the final day of the year. The final minutes of 2023. It was a bumpy year. It wasn’t as bad as the roller coaster years of 2020 and 2021, but it still had some bumps. I lost my sister, Lisa, this year. We also lost some precious friends this year. Lost, as in we don’t have them with us, but not lost lost…because we know where they are. They are not lost at all. Each of these dear ones I believe are in heaven now, possibly getting to know one another, but for sure they are rejoicing with the King of Kings. All of these, I know for sure, had asked Jesus in their heart, to change them, guide them, and forgive them during years long past.
Still, knowing that, with confidence, I struggled with the emotions around the holidays. If you know what I mean, you know what I mean. And if you don’t know what I mean, you haven’t been there yet. You haven’t had the emotions of missing someone deeply, the regrets of things left unsaid or undone, the sweet old memories that bring tears to your eyes, the emptiness at the dinner table, the embroidered stocking sitting empty, the awkwardness at a meal with three close friends suddenly instead of four.
So, it has been both sweet and bittersweet with the emotions swirling and with my red, puffy eyes. The sweetness comes from the fact that I know that they are happy where they are, without pain for the first time in a long time for many of them, and fully complete. They wouldn’t want to come back to this world. That doesn’t mean that they didn’t love or care for their family and friends, it just means that heaven is so glorious that finally feel “at home.” But, I guarantee that each of these would want each of us to know that Jesus loves them and wants to forgive them and to change their life and that they prayed that for us.
As we close the books on 2023 and look towards 2024, may be each take an assessment of our lives. Join me as I evaluate what I need to focus on in 2024. If you have never invited Jesus into your life, now is the time. Start the new year afresh. It’s not enough to pray occasionally, or read your Bible or a Verse-of-the-Day from time to time. It is not enough to go to church off and on. Jesus wants a relationship with you. He won’t force you, though. He waits for you to reach out to Him, to invite Him to come in to your life, to guide you, to forgive you of the things that you’ve done that are against God’s plan for you. Invite him to change any part of you that doesn’t match the way He created you to be. Ask Him to help you be consistent with the things you are trying to change. Ask Him to lead you to a Bible-believing church. Ask Him to help you guide your family in the right way.
You can do hard things…with His help.
Pray about all these things. Then watch what He does. God is in the business of making crummy things sparkly and new.
Happy New Year!
One of Those Days
Do you ever have days where you answer someone who asks you how your day has been with an answer like, “It’s been one of those days!” For me, today has not been one of those days. This day has been a melancholy day and an exciting day all at the same time. It is definitely a day that has been filled with emotion, even overflowing with those emotions. Even roller coaster-like emotions, including all the highs and all the lows.
May 1 is the same day that Jody and I traveled back to Texas from North Carolina after our stint there in 2021. I can’t believe it really. We were in Charlotte for seven months while Jody was recuperating from his medical crisis. Some would say that it has been a long time, but for us it seems like yesterday. Jody is doing well and we are so grateful for the “bonus” days that God has allowed us to have, but it is hard not to re-live some of the experiences that we’ve been through.
A terrific thing that happened is that today the book was published. I had started writing about our journey while in North Carolina when I felt God leading me to turn that into a book. So, finally, it has happened!
There was another sad component to the day for me, though. As I wrote the book, I chose not to tell many people about that project. It was a personal, private, emotional project for me. I didn’t even tell my sister, Lisa, because I wanted to surprise her with the book. She was a cheerleader for me, and I knew that she would be as excited as I am. Unfortunately, Lisa, died suddenly a week before the book was published, so she never knew about it. Now, I wonder if I made a mistake by keeping the news of it from her. But even with this sadness, there is joy for me because I know that Lisa is in heaven now.
Lord, thank you for the reminders you give us in life. Some are good and others are prickly and even sad. The memories are something unique you have given to us. I want to use them to remind myself how you work in my life every single day and all the ways that you have been so good to me. Help me to continue to cherish the bonus days that you have given to me and Jody.
Thank you for my sister, Lisa. Thank you that you provided a way for Lisa, and each of us, to have a relationship with you on this earth and an eternal life in heaven. You promise that when anyone calls out to you in prayer and invites you to be in their life that you will come into their heart. You further promise those who ask with sincerity, with the understanding that they have at the time, that you will take them to their heavenly dwelling place when they die. That is not a possibility, or a maybe–it is a take-it-to-the-bank promise.
And, Lord, thank you for giving me the courage and the strength to be obedient in writing the book. May you use it as you see fit to bless someone along the way.