Emotions - Hoolaray!

Just a Flicker

So, I am this detail-oriented person who is always observing the miniscule things of life. One day I was thinking about the personalities of various people I encounter in my life. I have had interactions recently with some truly extraordinary people and interactions with some less than extraordinary people. Here is a list of a few with whom I have crossed paths:

. a stern, rigid person who later turned out to be kind and friendly when stress and responsibilities lowered somewhat

. a smart-alec person who irritated everyone in his path

. a joyful person who was in the middle of a serious family situation but did not dwell on the negative

. a person who was not self-aware and was condescending, argumentative, and hurtful to those closest family and friends

. a know-it-all person who would argue or one-up every single person encountered

. a caring person who cares so much that people take advantage

. a loving, generous person who treated everyone with kindness

. a gripey person who I eventually discovered was in the middle of a personal trauma that they kept very private

. a happy, laughing person who was actually hurting on the inside

. an arrogant person who was always right (even when it was not true)

. a quiet, but thoughtful person, whose countenance glowed

Today, God reminded me, again, yes, again, that I also have personality traits that maybe reflect exactly who I am but maybe don’t reflect who I think I am or whose I say I am. Hmmm. Who I am…Who I think I am…Whose I say I am—just a few letters are different in those phrases, but those few letters really change the meaning of the phrases, don’t they?

Do my encounters with people leave a positive impression or a negative impression? Do I even care? Am I so entrenched in my way of thinking that I have become indifferent to others? Now, to be clear, I am not saying that we should elevate other people’s opinions over the voice of God. But sometimes, if I prayerfully inspect myself and how I interact with others, God can reveal things about my personality. Do I reflect the love of Jesus as I meander through my life or do I just meander doing my own thing without a thought of whose I am. Someone is always watching. What am I reflecting? Is my life just barely a flicker of light or does it shine for Jesus?

Lord, help me be a learner as you work in my life. Help me not to resist the efforts to smooth off the rough spots in my personality. Make me more like you. Continue your work in my life, helping me grow closer to you. Remind me that growing closer and closer to you is necessary to become more like you. Gently guide me to consider how I am seen by others. I want to reflect your love in everything I do and say. I don’t want to just occasionally flicker.

Memories and Tears and More Tears

Today is the birthday of my baby sister, Lisa.

Well, it would have been today, I should say. She went to be with the Lord in 2023 almost exactly 1 year ago. Yesterday was the anniversary of the birthday of my mom. It has been a tough week. Lisa was an April Fool child. My mom was a jokester and so, growing up we always had funny or silly April Fool’s jokes for Lisa. You know what I mean…iced Styrofoam “cake”, etc. Of course, the jokes faded as she got older, but I can’t help but think of that today. Lisa had a great, sort of crooked smile any time she was caught off-guard. I miss her.

Live your life with no regrets. I know people say it all the time, but it is true so I will repeat it: You don’t know how long you have on this earth. Don’t wait to say “I love you’s” or bake some cookies or go out for a coffee or send a card (a card??) or text. You will wake up one day and wish you could do it one more time. Make sure that you take time to focus on the Lord. Share your faith. Invite your loved ones to church. Pray for them. I did all these things with Lisa and my mom and others, but I could have always done more.

And so, I move forward, knowing that Lisa is healed from her physical limitations and is happy and making some new friends and visiting with some old friends on her birthday. Will we celebrate birthdays? I don’t know. But I hope if someone plays a trick on Lisa because it is April 1, I hope she gets a real cake with sprinkles too.

As I move forward, I am more focused on my remaining family and friends. I want to be more intentional in showing my love. I want to save time in my schedule for God to guide me to the person I need to encourage or help in some way.

My heart truly feels shattered when I think of those that I love so much who are far from God. I spoke to a lady at church yesterday about the same topic. She had invited her kids to church and hoped that since it was Easter that maybe they would come. But they didn’t.

My job (and hers) is to fully trust that God is working, even when I don’t see much happening. In the meantime, I pray, I follow God’s guidance, and I love the best way I know how. I try to be a good example and witness in all that I do. Of course I cannot do that on my own, but only with the help of Jesus working through me.

Lord, help me to remember the good times with Lisa, my mom, and my other family members. But help me to point the still living people in my life towards you. Prompt me to pray for them and with them. Guide me. Show me when I should challenge them and when I should leave it to you. I want to work with you, Lord, not against you. Prompt me with questions like: Do you forgo praying at meals when you are with non-believers? Do your friends and family see your priorities or do you “hide them under a bush?” Do the people in your circle see you read your Bible? Do you tell them about God-moments? Challenge me as well as them. Lord, I love you. Make me more like you.

Happy Fall-ish

Finally the weather has begun to moderate a bit in Texas. It has been an incredibly hot summer, even for us…and we’ve lived in Texas much of our lives. We also lived in tropical Nicaragua for many years. So, for us, living in hot climates is normal. We acclimate quickly compared to many people. But this year has been uncharacteristically humid in addition to the heat. That humidity just saps the energy out of me. Anyway, I am so grateful for the changes in the weather. We spend a lot of time outside in our personal lives and for our chaplain work and prison ministry, so it is finally more comfortable to do so.

Jody continues to defy odds and is doing well. Is he completely back to normal? No, of course not. He has a variety of long Covid issues, but most are minor, manageable, or medicated. He has to pay particular attention to the hot, humid weather, ozone alert days, and any high pollution areas or areas where there is smoke or even ashes from fires. We are careful and remain aware and vigilant and we feel blessed as we move forward, thankful for the extra bonus time that God has allowed.

Take a minute and thank God for this day and for whatever blessings He has poured out on you as you look forward to the fall-ish.

Lord, I am grateful for every day that you have given us. Thank you for allowing us time together and time enjoying your creation.

Answered Prayer

Is it okay if I share something very personal and very remarkable with you? Many of you have walked with us and even served alongside us over many years. I usually try to be pretty transparent, even sharing personal struggles and successes. This one is no different from the others, but also is very different if that makes sense.

If you’ve followed along, you know about the undertaking and sometimes struggles of writing the “Keep Your Hands in the Air When You’re on a Roller Coaster” book. You also know that my main impetus behind the book was to be obedient to the Lord and what I felt he had called me to do. It’s never been about making money or notoriety.

In doing so, I have determined to leave the results and how He chooses to use the book up to Him, while in my humanness I want to know if the book is hitting a chord with anyone or making a difference. Of course, it is not necessarily something for me to know – it’s just that in my frailty as a human I want that confirmation that I have done the right thing at the right time.

God blessed me in an expected, but, oh so, remarkable, way today. I was speaking with a friend (let’s call her Mary) who had read the book and then loaned the book to someone else (let’s call her Sally). Later, Sally told Mary that she had started it and was anxious to continue reading it even though she was very busy and didn’t have a lot of free time to do so.

Some weeks later, Sally told Mary that what she had read so far in the book was making her really think. She said it was causing her to re-evaluate some things in her life and even that it made her want to make some changes in her life.

Now, is that a blessing from God, or what? I don’t know Sally, but I am grateful that it seems that God is working in her life as a result of the book.

And, so, that is a prayer answered. It was a selfish prayer really. I am satisfied to know that the book has touched at least one life. Of course, I hope that it touches more lives in the future, but all the struggles of the journey and the hurdles in writing the book are worth it for one life changed.

Thank you, Lord, for choosing to bless me in such a tremendous way. Continue to work in my life as you teach me more about you every day. Thank you for the encouragement from others that you sent to me to challenge me to write this book. Thank you for Mary who took the time to share the book and then took the time to share with me about Sally. Continue to work in both of their lives too. Hoolaray.

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I encourage you to take the time to share with me any God-stories! The book is available on Amazon in print. An e-book is in the works. Feel free to share about it on your social media if you think it’s worth sharing.

One of Those Days

Do you ever have days where you answer someone who asks you how your day has been with an answer like, “It’s been one of those days!” For me, today has not been one of those days. This day has been a melancholy day and an exciting day all at the same time. It is definitely a day that has been filled with emotion, even overflowing with those emotions. Even roller coaster-like emotions, including all the highs and all the lows.

May 1 is the same day that Jody and I traveled back to Texas from North Carolina after our stint there in 2021. I can’t believe it really. We were in Charlotte for seven months while Jody was recuperating from his medical crisis. Some would say that it has been a long time, but for us it seems like yesterday. Jody is doing well and we are so grateful for the “bonus” days that God has allowed us to have, but it is hard not to re-live some of the experiences that we’ve been through.

A terrific thing that happened is that today the book was published. I had started writing about our journey while in North Carolina when I felt God leading me to turn that into a book. So, finally, it has happened!

There was another sad component to the day for me, though. As I wrote the book, I chose not to tell many people about that project. It was a personal, private, emotional project for me. I didn’t even tell my sister, Lisa, because I wanted to surprise her with the book. She was a cheerleader for me, and I knew that she would be as excited as I am. Unfortunately, Lisa, died suddenly a week before the book was published, so she never knew about it. Now, I wonder if I made a mistake by keeping the news of it from her. But even with this sadness, there is joy for me because I know that Lisa is in heaven now.

Lord, thank you for the reminders you give us in life. Some are good and others are prickly and even sad. The memories are something unique you have given to us. I want to use them to remind myself how you work in my life every single day and all the ways that you have been so good to me. Help me to continue to cherish the bonus days that you have given to me and Jody.

Thank you for my sister, Lisa. Thank you that you provided a way for Lisa, and each of us, to have a relationship with you on this earth and an eternal life in heaven. You promise that when anyone calls out to you in prayer and invites you to be in their life that you will come into their heart. You further promise those who ask with sincerity, with the understanding that they have at the time, that you will take them to their heavenly dwelling place when they die. That is not a possibility, or a maybe–it is a take-it-to-the-bank promise.

And, Lord, thank you for giving me the courage and the strength to be obedient in writing the book. May you use it as you see fit to bless someone along the way.